Neither Here Nor There
Have you ever felt as if you both belonged and didn’t at the same time? ¿Como si fueras de varios mundos y de ningunos? I have been told countless of times that I could pass for so many “things”, you probably feel at home wherever you go. Now how do I even start to unpack those fuck-up statements? Is it that I “pass” through their thinly-veiled racist eyes because my so-call otherness is just too complex to figure me out? And since when are people “things”? This is yet another indication of “benevolent” ignorance and deep-seated colonial attitudes swimming in what’s supposedly a well-intentioned compliment. It is the complete disregard to the intersections of diaspora, immigration policies, violencia sistémica, colonization and so much more within my veins that begs the question: “Do you know what it’s like to NEVER feel at home? ¿Tú qué sabes? It's like living in a perpetual state of limbo and the constant need to justify your membership. Now that’s just my experience and unlike what some might think, I don’t speak for mi gente and yet I know all too well that I’m not alone in these struggles. I’m neither here nor there. I belong and I don’t. Mis realidades might be different but it does not give anyone the justification to diminish mi existencia. I am the product of intergenerational struggles against systemic oppression that in turn tainted my life with self-hate, lateral violence and a lack of knowledge of nuestro patrimonio, nuestra historia. But I am also the product of resilience, de ganas de vivir, and of the legacy that lives in my bones. I’m neither here nor there. I belong and I don’t. But in the end, solo soy yo – I am just me.